When you first meet people try to notice their eye color while also smiling at them. It might be because you look for a second or two longer, but all I can tell you is that people really respond to it.
Pay attention to people’s feet. If you approach two people in the middle of a conversation, and they only turn their torsos and not their feet, they don’t want you to join in the conversation. Similarly if you are in a conversation with a coworker who you think is paying attention to you and their torso is turned towards you but their feet are facing in another direction, they want the conversation to end.
Foot-in-the-door phenomenon. People are more likely to agree to do a task for you if you ask them to do something simpler first. (Gradual Commitment… makes people them think you like them)
Alternatively you ask them to do an unreasonable task, and the’ll say no, so then you ask for what you wanted, a much more reasonable task, and they’re more you likely ask to agree that way.
If you ask someone to do you a small favor, cognitive dissonance will make them believe that because they did that favor, they therefore must like you. (yes you all know that – Ben Franklin).
If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer, just wait. If you stay silent and keep eye contact they will usually continue talking.
Chew gum when you’re approaching a situation that would make you nervous like public speaking or bungee jumping. I can’t remember where I heard it but apparently if we are ‘eating’, something in our brains trip and it reasons ‘I would not be eating if I were in danger. So l’m not in danger’. Has helped calm me a few times.
Avoid the sidewalk shuffle by looking intently over the person’s shoulder, or between people’s heads in a group. Your gaze shows them where you’re going. They’ll drift toward the opposing side / create a gap to avoid you.
When you’re studying/learning something new, teach a friend how/about it. Let them ask questions. If you’re able to teach something well, you understand it.
People will remember not what you said but how you made them feel.
For interviews I recommend altering your psychological state beforehand. Tell yourself “I’ve known these people all my life. We’re old friends catching up. l can t wait to see them”. Visualize the experience, shaking hands, making eye contact, having conversation. What things can you not to wait to tell them? Hold an open pose, stand with your legs apart, hands on your hips, and shoulders back while doing this and SMILE. This may sound cliche but you are in charge of your own psychological state and the power of suggestion is strong.
If you get yourself to be really happy and excited to see other people, they will react the same to you. It doesn’t always happen the first time, but it will definitely happen next time.
My personal favorite is when people are angry at me; if l stay calm it’ll get them even angrier, and be ashamed about it after.
If you have a warm hand when you shake somebody’s hand, you immediately become a more desirable person to get along with.
People have certain image of themselves and will fight tooth and nail to cling to it. Use this information wisely. You can make people dislike you by attacking their self-image.
False attribution of arousal. When you take somebody out on a first date, take them somewhere exciting that will get their heart beating. e.g. roller coaster or horror film. This gets their adrenaline up. It makes them think they enjoy spending time with you rather than the activity.
The key to confidence is walking into a room, and assuming everyone already likes you.
The physical effects of stress (increased breathing rate, heart rate, ect.) mirror identically the physical effects of courage. So when you’re feeling stress from any situation immediately reframe it: your body is getting ready to do courage, it’s Not feeling stress.
Refer to people you’ve just met by their name. People love being referred to by their name, and it will establish a sense of trust and friendship right away.
If you make the biggest smile you can, you will automatically feel happier.
The moment your alarm wakes you up, immediately react by sitting up, pump your fists and shout “YEAH!” (wut?)
Always give your kid a choice that makes them think they are in control. For instance when I want him to put his shoes on I will say, “do you want to put your star wars shoes on or your shark shoes on?”
People are extraordinarily aware of their sense of touch. If someone (a member of the opposite sex?) ‘accidentally’ rests their knee on yours, let’s say, they know it’s there.
General
The best productivity app on your phone is called airplane mode (use it).
Make ‘No’ your default. Whether it’s new work projects or social gatherings, saying ‘Yes’ to non-priorities ruins your priorities.
Normalize “I don’t know anything about that” as a successful answer.
You don’t have to finish the book or movie if it sucks.
Stop regretting past decisions. You made the best choice at the time with the knowledge you had. Be at peace with it.
Success comes down to a simple choice:
Decide exactly what you want.
Determine the price you have to pay.
Choose if you’re willing to pay it.
Write down your 3:3:3 plan: 3 hours on your most important project, 3 shorter tasks, 3 maintenance activities. Defining a “productive day” is crucial. Or else you’ll never be at peace.
Find your peak state of energy (morning for most). Time block 2-4 hours during that period for your most important task. Show up at the same time—day by day, week by week. You’ll never worry about money again.
Avoid checking your phone first thing in the morning. Happiness is abundant by design, scarce by luck.
Score your day (like a movie) with music. Music is a powerful mood enhancer. Almost everything is more enjoyable with music.
Take an internal shower every morning. Drink a full glass of water right away. 60% of your body is water. Replenish it.
Follow Japan’s 80% Rule: “Eat until you’re only 80% full.”
Normalize midday naps. You get two days of energy in one.
Our ancestors used to hunt mammoths. Now we sit at desks for 8 hours every day. Then we watch TV for another 3 hours (on average). Humans aren’t built for this. Get a standing desk, take walking meetings, move your body daily.
Psychology says, the way you talk about others is the way you talk to yourself (so be kind).
Spotlight Effect (Bias): We think people are paying far more attention to us than they are. Harsh truth: Your freedom begins the day you realize nobody is thinking about you.
Stop looping, ask powerful questions. If you’re like me, you re-run things over in your mind. Often these loops do not serve us. So when you catch yourself in a loop, ask: Is this useful? Will I care about this in 1 year?
Hone your body language (7-38-55 Rule). People will like/dislike your communication based on: 7% words, 38% tonality and face, 55% body language. Stand up straight, pull your shoulders back, make eye contact, smile, give a firm handshake. You will be dangerous.
A person’s favorite sound is their name. I have a theory about their 2nd favorite sound: The names of their loved ones and pets. Whenever you hear one mentioned, write it down. Later, ask by name about them. You will stand out.
Spend more time with people who give you energy. Spend less time with people who steal your energy.
Master the “gift of goodbye.” You don’t owe loyalty to a friend, partner, or employer who belittles you. Successful & happy people simply say goodbye.
Once a week, do something alone (dinner, movies, etc.) Society has programmed us to think it’s weird to do things alone. But if you’re not comfortable being alone, you’ll never be comfortable leaving toxic relationships. A person who’s happy alone is a powerful person.
Write down your goals. Remind yourself who you want to be. The 14% of people who have goals are 10x more successful than those without goals. The 3% with written goals are 3x more successful than the 14%.
Avoid telling people your goals. It releases cheap dopamine and tricks your brain into thinking you’ve already achieved them (lowering motivation). Move in silence.
Simplify your finances: Cancel unused subscriptions. Automate your bills, savings, and investments. Budget with the 50/30/20 Rule (50% Needs, 30% Wants, 20% Savings).
Buy things that make you healthier, wealthier, or provide you free time. It’s called practical materialism: Products that make a material difference in the quality of your life.
Use the 1% Rule to curb impulse buys. If the item is over 1% of your annual gross income, wait 3 days. If you still want the item after 3 days, get it. You’ll often realize you don’t actually want/need that thing.
If you purchase one item, then donate, toss, or sell another. Minimalism is a dual discipline: Manage both inbound and outbound possessions to enjoy equilibrium.
Give your mind an overnight task. Upon closing your eyes, give your mind a job. “How might I make an extra $1k each month?” Don’t try to solve it then; just release it to your subconscious.
Normalize being weird. “Weirdness is what sets us apart, gets us hired. Be your unapologetically weird self. In fact, being weird may even find you the ultimate happiness” —Chris Sacca